You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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