I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
