I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
