i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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