Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
