I just made out with a guy for $7.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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