I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
should my penis look like a turkey
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
