It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
if only i could text you this smell
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
