im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I checked into jail on foursquare
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
