I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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