I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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