This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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