I accidentally burped into my bong.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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