So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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