I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
