How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
