i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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