The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
