Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
either way he was missing a nipple.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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