My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
