I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
