so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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