oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Terrible idea I love it
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
