Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
