You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
