Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
