im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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