she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
