Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
