I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
