doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
