Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
