Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Everything about him screamed your future.
vagina is talking i cant
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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