dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
