You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
