I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
