Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
