I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
