i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
