if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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