so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
