Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
