Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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