Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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