I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
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