if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
