we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
