Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
