I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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