this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
