My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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