YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
