i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
