I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
